I honestly get all my blog ideas from either thinking to much or sitting in the bathroom, its the truth. I have come to find out I am an over thinker and I have a very odd way of thinking. But this blog is gonna talk about The love of the father, meaning Jesus. Ive been thinking about what to say and it all hit me when I put my relationship 'love' up to the fathers love and this is what was layed on my heart.
So when I was dating I felt a love like I never felt before it was like magical really, Ive always wanted to hold hands with a guy, have him hold me while watching a movie and having that first kiss. Love is a funny thing. While dating it kept my self esteem up and knowing that a guy finally loved me and wanted to be around me and take me out was something so special to me. I never thought a breakup would happen. Then it did... No more love, No more holding hands, No more of anything. Completly cut off from each other and It hurt, I needed him, I need him, I need that love, I need his company, I need what we had. But right now its not gonna happen, will it ever I cant say. But the love I had for him, He will never understand I could write all day and night letters of how I felt about him, and still yet it wouldnt describe how much love I had for him or what he meant to me. I fill empty sometimes knowing I cant just call him or know that were not together. I miss our love, at the time it was the only love I focused on, he was all I needed I didnt need friends, family, or anything I had him. But thats where I went wrong, we both went wrong when I knew better and I knew we were getting off track, His love was all I needed, He was all I needed. I believe he was placed in my life because God knew I needed a boost on my life and to know that there is a love out there for you, He helped me do alot of things I wasnt able to do like get my learners or license and just giving me the love he did for so long. I believe God is showing me I can do this, I may not need a guy right now or ever but I can overcome anything with Gods help. I think hes just saying 'Hey Ashley you can do this, just trust me' right now thats all I can do.
My passion for him was out of this world, it really was, until August 18th, 2011 rolled around and I found out that my mistakes and our mistakes had finally took ahold of us. While sitting in the bathtub last week over thinking things and letting my mind compare situations I sat there in the water and compared Our 'Love' to Gods Love, and obviously I knew who won my heart over, who always had my heart from the start. Like I said, I miss being in his arms, I miss feeling his love, I miss all that, but when I thought about it, God has always had me in his arms, he has never stopped loving me, or givin up on me, His love is always there for me to take in when I dont even deserve it. Yes a fleshly boyfriend/husband is always a plus but now that I dont have it at the moment, Im finally realizing who should have had my heart in the first place, I feel a comfort, a love and a passion from God like Ive never felt, its such a beautiful thing. I dont feel alone I dont feel scared, I know that when I need somebody to just hold me and tell me that they love me, I know all I have to do is run to the father, his love for me is out of this world, his love for me is undescribable, his love for me is intense. When our relationship came to a stop I felt rejected I felt like my love wasnt good enough even though I prayed and prayed and prayed for him for 6years and Loved him like know other, he made me feel like I was nothing. Being rejected by the person you love most is the hardest thing in the world, knowing you gave up your life for them, and they just throw it in the trash, it hurts, its not fun. As I sat there in the water I compared this, He rejected me, will Jesus reject me? The thought of going to heaven and him saying ' I do not know you' and being cast into hell forever makes my heart race and my palms sweat and my mind thinking. Being rejected by the most loving and caring and breath taking person who gave it all because he loved me, and he loved you. His love is unexplable his love gos far beyond what we can think, he loved us enough to die and give it all. I would rather be rejected by a million guys and rejected by all my peers than to ever be rejected by the true deffintion of Love. My heart is stead fast on God, and my worship is all for his glory. That is true love, that is real love. Rip my heart out and you will find the name of Jesus written all over it 'Im here to stay, nothing will ever seperate us and I know Im ok, you craddle me gently wrapped in your arms, Im home'
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