Well here we go again. Tonight at work while eating a 3 meat and cheese flat bread I was thinking and saying aloud to myself 'God I need your help right now, what is your plan for me, moving on and letting go is the hardest thing ive ever done. So a few hours later I needed to use the restroom and while sitting there I was talking to myself aloud saying 'God letting go and trusting you is what I need to do, just help me and help me understand all this, no matter what happens your will has and will be done' So now Im here writing about Holding on and Letting go of the people we love and cherish the most and how to overcome all this. & Most people think 'oh well you still talk about it you havent let go' Theres nothing wrong in talking about it.
Im still holding on and I cant let go, He told me to let go and move on! How can I move on from the guy Im suppose to be with? God whats going on? I dont wanna be hurt anymore, My heart cant take this pain, Im to much of an emotional wreck.. God are you here? Do you even care? This was my cry for help for about a month, I still question and still wonder whats going to happen. Letting go is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, honestly. I dont wanna fully say God is like let go forever, but still love and forgive that person and have the heart of christ, but when the other person is like move on, go be with someone else, blah blah all that crap you get confused real fast, like I did, and felt lied to. So while sitting there in the bathroom at work my heart and mind got to thinking. Mind you guys, this isnt easy for me, I dont think its easy for anybody really. Possibly saying goodbye forever to the one person you waited for your whole life and giving them a love like no other makes me sick inside. I have my days where I see that same truck that came and picked me up every other weekend or I see a picture or have a memory come racing back and it makes me think why do I have to be alone I dont wanna be by myself forever I just cant do it. God whats your plan? What is your will? So sitting there I came to realize yes my situation is bad, but other people have it way worse than me, there are familys that are broken and torn apart, some dont have a dad or mom, or death could have taken a boyfriend/girlfriend, or husband/wife. But I sat there and thought even though our situations are bad God has it way worse than anything. What do you mean? let me explain. This is how my mind thinks Im an overthinker, which isnt a bad thing ive decided. But God who has a heart bigger than the world, a love that we cant even imagine and who created us to love him and live a life full blown for him. So when we get to heaven and he calls us one by one to get up there and seeing his nailed pierced hands and the beauty from his face, and he has to say ' I did not no you, depart from me ' mind you a God who loves all of us and forgives us when we dont deserve it has to say that to his children, how do you think that makes him feel? Im sure it will tear his heart up, seeing his own children who he made in his own beauty go straight to hell he has to let go. He has given us a free will, and a choice to make the right choices and live a life for him .He doesnt want us to go to hell, by any means. But when we get there hes gonna have to let go of the people he loves most. Us! I cant even imagine how he can do it, I know for sure it makes the heart of God cry seeing his people do what they are doing now.
But my point, letting go of a relationship or friends for the time being and having a break to focus on God is a healthy thing to do, and if God wants you to have a relationship with that person HE will bring you back together, not facebook, not twitter, not texting, we just have to trust his judgement. Dont even let anybody hold you back from your calling. Letting go of friends, family or even a boyfriend/girlfriend is way easier than what the Father will have to do one day. Look at the bigger picture, God already knows who were gonna date, marry, and be with forever, it shouldnt be hard to trust Jesus, but it is, we dont know the plans we dont know if well have that certain someone we want. All he wants is our trust and thats what we have got to do, im still struggling with it, yes. He wants us to come to him crying out for him to get closer and trust the will of God. Im a control freak, I was born a leader its why im having trouble with all this, I wanna control this, but I cant so Ive finally given up and given it to God. He isnt gonna stop until he has it all. I worship, I pray, I read and I ask for help, I cry out to God show me your will God, I know you already know what my furture holds just help me to trust you. God has never left us and he promised he never would. The storm is rough right now, but cry out to him and he will calm the seas. My God will supply all my needs according to him and his glory.
I would rather let go of relationships and friends even family. But I will never let go of the Love of Jesus I have, I dont want him to let go of me, and Im not letting go of him. God has our life and plan already in his hands, all he wants is trust and an understanding that what he has for us is way better than we can ever imagine. Dont Let Go.
'You wont relent until you have it all. My heart is yours'
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