Even Atheists have Jesus inside them.

                                          This has been on my mind for the past 2 days and so now Im gonna share it

with everyone else. Most of us have watched the video on youtube called 'Why I hate Religion, But

love Jesus. I could watch that video over and over and never get tired of it. After watching it you

always see either A. Video Responses or B. Other Videos about that Subject. Well Im not the type to

watch them mainly because they usually are making fun of it, but something inside me said watch

this one, it was called 'Why I hate Religion, and Jesus too.  As much as the title ran through me and

ticked me off, I wanted to see what this was about. I clicked the video and the guys user name is

'The Amazing Atheist. Im thinking the whole time Jesus save his soul, and the fact that he watched

the original video says something. Anyways this guy went on to say abunch of bull crap about God,

and the beliefs and things of that nature. At the end of the video he said F*** God, I love my life

I love my family, friends but F*** God. My heart cryed out for him and without a pause I just started

praying for this guy, just instinct I guess. Another thing that caught my attention when he was

speaking, he said how can this man die on a cross and have every single one of us on his mind while

dying up there its not possible, he had to be thinking of better things or the pain he was going

through. I do admit some or most Atheists are smart when it comes to the Bible but this, Right there

I said to myself, He truly doesnt realize how great our God is. He really doesnt.

To make my point, I remember in my 9th grade science class with Mr. Kiriluk (who has passed

away now) But if I remember anything from his class it was this. Our DNA strands look like crosses,

my mind was blown at how amazing God is and the little things he does that we dont notice that our

the greatest things in this world. Its true small things do come in big packages. I know that everyone

has God in them just because he made them, but to have DNA from the heavenly father that looks

like a cross is proff to me that we are his, we our his children. Just like a child has his parents DNA.

I just smile at the fact that God is so amazing.

 Here  is a picture of our Cross DNA!

 So Atheist you can deny christ all you want but one thing for sure is that God will always be in you. You are still his child.

 

 

Here are the two videos I have mentioned.

 

Why I hate Religion but Love Jesus.

. This is the video Why I hate Religion and Jesus too. If you watch it just make sure NO kids are around.

To have friends, or not to have friends. That is the Question.?

                                                             It seems to be that I have no one.




All through my high school years I was made fun of, laughed at and most of all I had nobody, yes I had 'friends' who were either way younger than me or they needed me when they needed something or a question answered. I was first made fun of at church camp at age 7 by a guy. From there on out I was depressed, looked at myself in the mirror everyday 20 times a day. (Take Note: I still dont have any self-esteem) I was bullied online, I was bullied at school. Yet after all that I went through hearing the names I was called I still was there for that person/people.

My heart is love and forgivness. Thanks to my mom for showing me that I can have the heart of Jesus and forgive those who do wrong to us. Any who, still to this day almost 21 years of age I still get made fun of and its a little worse, I have no friends. I have done nothing to anyone but love, be kind and always be there for you in your time of need or trouble.

 I can text or post on facebook/twitter. 'Hey anybody wanna hang out, go out to eat anything'? Yet my 'friends' make an excuse or just dont reply and blow me off. I dont care to say, that yes my heart aches and hurts because I have no one. I have cried I dont know how many times because of the thought I might not be good enough for my so called 'friends' or Im not pretty enough or I will embarrass you.

 Ive cried to Justin so many times and he replies 'Ashley you dont need them, you have me and I will always be your friend, I am your friend. I love you' As much as I just want a friend it seems to be my only friend is Justin and my friend who has always loved me and has never left my side is Jesus. I know he has always been there for me. I know I want an earthly friend who will care for me and love me.

I realize I just need Jesus, Family & Justin. Like I said, it hurts not having anyone to wanna be around you and that takes a toll on my self- esteem, it really does. No one will understand the pain, and hurt I have of knowing I have no one as a friend. Ive tried my best to always be a good person, and a kind friend to everyone I know but that seems not to pay off.  But thats ok, I guess you sooner or later truly do find out who your friends are.

Instead of making this a big deal on facebook I thought I should blog it. If you have any questions you can message me here http://www.facebook.com/#!/ashley.jenkins.90260 I did make a small status saying something about this, but wanted to go into detail about everything and about how hurt I am. 

So as I finish this venting blog, Take Note If you dont want anything to do with me, dont use me dont play me. I realize who I really need and who I dont. I know who has always been there for me.


But I realize after crying many tears, that the one friend I wish would do something for me already has. He did it at this time and moment. When He died on that cross my name was on his mind. He has never left my side, he has never left my heart. He has already made a great sacrifice. He will and has always been my best friend <3

I'm not having a big wedding, Period.

                          

 At first I was so excited to get married ( still am ) and have this huge wedding and have everybody brag about it and how I looked that day and think oh my gosh they have money to buy all this stuff.

 Well being excited at the time ( still am)  I had all these thoughts but now that I think about it I talked to Justin today I said you know what I dont want a big wedding its not about how much we spend, the money, the dress how many people what decorations Its about who Im marrying the real reason.

 Im marrying my best friend someone who loves me past my flaws , loving me for me & despite my past.  Yes I want a wedding with the Peacock themed and auqa blue , purple, & black colors and I want the dress Ive been wanting.

But its not about being flashy and having all these things Marrying my best friend is what its about to me, Its all about Love, and Im happy with this choice and Justin thinks the same.

 So no were not having a big wedding and frankly dont want to. It about getting together and letting people know Im finally happy and this is the love of my life, besides Jesus, my mom/dad and animals :p.

 But this is who I trust, who I love, who I want to spend the rest of my life with, Justin is my forever. The folks we do invite just remember this is who makes me happy, who I love  & who loves me for me and wants to be my protector when know one else can.

This is a gathering of us getting people together and proclaming our love to the world. I cant wait to marry this guy. Im so excited! I love you Justin Ray Crowder <3



October 8, 2012, be there for this awesome moment <3 :) 

You'll be the prince & I'll be the princess, it's a love story <3

G-Maws are the best

         Such a beautiful Angel

                                               


 I had such a beautiful G-Maw, she was a tough little cracker. She has/was always there for me, she was my best friend, After she passed away I realized and couldnt believe how much I could love one person.  I miss her everyday she left a Legacy that no one will ever compare to, she had such a beautiful soul and wasnt scared of anyone. She taught me so much I cant even begin to explain.

She was my only Grandparent so I loved her with a lot of love, I remember always going to her house and spending the night I was about 7 and I slept on the floor beside her bed I always wore socks to beds no matter what, and when I woke up I would always have one sock on and we picked up the blankets and would shake them no sock it always happend and we would laugh and laugh and the next time it happen it would be one sock or both and just look at each other and laugh ourself silly. 

My G-Maw was my best friend and had such a loving, giving and caring spirit. Anyone who came across her was blessed and lucky to know her. I lost a big part of me January 11, 2012, she was a New Years Baby so it was 10 days after her birthday she went to be with Jesus and her son, and daughter in law.

 I dont know how its possible to love someone so much but I did, I miss her so much. I wish I could explain the love and what she did for me in words but there would be to many and It would be impossible

 I have no more G-Parents she was my only one and I think all my love for the ones I didnt have it all went to her, I love her so much.

Im sure Ive repeated myself over and over but my G-Maw made a huge impact on my life and I still cant belive shes gone. I know shes so happy and isnt in her motor scooter unless she feels like running somebodys feet over, lol.

I know shes healthy , happy, and jumping with joy. Im glad and happy shes not in pain but it hurts so bad to know shes not here and I cant call her or talk to her.

Ive cried over 500x writing this. I cant wait to see her again, itll be the happiest day of my life.  I love and miss you G-Maw everyday, but I know Ill see you soon <3 Until then, its not goodbye, its see ya later <3

she always loved Elvis and thought he was so cute :) Always said she was gonna marry him :)

Stop Judging More Loving

                                              I found my true love                                         
                                                           
                                                                now listen!


                      I can finally write how I really feel.  It seems most church folk or so called 'religious' folk judge more based on what Ive done. I have a tattoo,(many more coming)  a nose ring and I moved in with my boyfriend. Im sorry for those Ive let down, I really am but Im not playing the 'sorry card' anymore My new saying is ' Stop Judging More Loving. ' I would say only 5 not even that know truly about my past and what hell ive been through. Ive only had 2 boyfriends, My Ex & Justin who Im going to marry in Oct, Im pretty excited about it, was it the best idea I've ever had? NO, I realize that I hurt a lot of people and they dont know why I did it, most had ideas because I got really hurt by my Ex so they think I just jumped in to fast and thought I was scared. I love Justin Ray Crowder with my whole heart. The way I moved in wasnt the best I just left on a wednesday and left my dad a note saying im gone, Dad if you read this Im sorry I hurt you and Im sorry I left you like that, I love you with everything You're the best daddy in the world, and I hope you forgive me for what I did to you and find it in your heart to accept Justin into the family and love him like you love me. Mom Im sorry I let you down I know I did, I love you with everything in me, You are such a great role model and Im proud to brag about you going to college and being such a beast on the deans list. I hope you can accept Justin into the family.  I love you so much. Joshua, you may never read this but know I love you , and Im sorry if I hurt you like I did I hope you can accept Justin as well. You're a great brother. I dont blame my family for being upset with me, I understand that. My chuch folks more judging comes from them then anybody I have ever seen, My parents raised me just right, I know the choices I made I have to answer for everything Ive done, Justin is such a great guy who treats me like a princess and how a woman should be treated he protects me like im the last piece of gold on the planet. Ones who have looked down upon me or say Im a bad influence im sorry you feel that way im still the Ashley Nicole Jenkins you knew before I moved in with him. It hurts I get know support for me being finally happy with someone and being happy in general. Im getting married in Oct and thats all ive ever wanted, the feeling of knowing that someone who truly loves me and looks past all my flaws and sees my heart and who I really am. Who loves me on my bad days and will always be there. Im happy, and all I wish is that my family, friends etc would just be happy even if you dont agree! IM SO FREAKIN HAPPY. You guys dont realize that, or what Ive been through, so this is so exciting for me, someone who finally loves me! :) Justin isnt the bad guy neither am I even though I understand how it can be me. All I ask is for some more love and support from everyone.
 


Date he asked me out. October 8, 2011
Date he asked me to marry him. December 15, 2011
Date we become a husband/wife. October 8, 2012

 This Love is OURS <3

   I love you Justin Ray Crowder <3

The Perfect MatchMaker

                       Dating Sites, Dating Commercials, Dating this, Dating that.
                            
     At one time I got sick of hearing that crap, now after experiencing it, I have learned my lesson, I messed up, I prayed for what I wanted not what God wanted, and you see now I am single. It was hell on earth, not saying being with him was, just how everything went, it wasnt a relationship from God, its why were not together, So I came across this little note, I hope you enjoy.

'A Womans heart should be so lost in God that he must seek him in order to find her'

“ Wait for a man that will put in the time, heart, & effort to pursue you. None of this whole “chasing around boys who don’t really like us and pine when they reject us” business. Wait for God to set you up with one who will put in time to win your heart. How can he do that though if you’re throwing it at him? Be secure enough in yourself and your Father that you don’t need to throw your heart around and give it away to any man who winks his eye at you. Be a woman, secure in God, deadly to the devil, feminine in strength, purity, and tenderness, and give your man a chance to be a man. Let the boys go who blow you off and expect you to let them walk all over you or just plain won’t put in effort to get to know you at all. Let them go, and position yourself as a woman satisfied in Herself & Her life. Give yourself to knowing God, give yourself to loving others, and your man will come alongside you. You will never have to strive to make him like you, to make him talk to you. He will be already a man in pursuit of your heart without your help.

                                        So my advice dont let society or your peers push you into dating, yes I was so excited to have my first boyfriend because it was everything I wanted and prayed for right down to the T, but after it was all over with, it wasnt from God, and I know this for a fact or we would still be together. God has somebody out there for me, and he has someone out there for you, trust me, and trust him. Im trusting God with everything I have its all I have left. Im not looking for a guy and im not worried about it, When God puts him in my life Im sure i'll know. My adivce Pray and make sure it is the  guy/girl that God has for you, and you'll know if it is or not. I thought relationships were a walk in the park, but boy was I wrong haha. Keep your head up if your single or looking, your heart needs to be of Gods Love before he'll send you somebody and when he does keep focused on him, dont loose sight of his love in the relationship. God will supply all your needs according to his glory, and his plan for you. We have to trust him and his timing, its all for his glory, he has our best interest. Dont let the world and peers presure you into dating or because it looks all good and fun from the outside, and because everybody else is dating  it takes work to make a good realtionship last, it'll be even easier when you wait for the ONE God has coming for you <3

'I will be treasured over all the earth'

God has written my Love Story, its just to be continued right now

                                                                on HIS plan for your mate.

                                after praying a great deal, and finally realizing I needed to let go and realize God just gave me what I wanted it was all a test with me and Trevor. I called him a few days ago  and thanked him for the 7months he gave me, I still will cherish him as a person and care for him, but right now were both ok with each other and were friends. After praying and talking to God and listening to people talk to me about the situation, I was tore up of course, but sitting in church sunday night I got this letter and I cried and cried and cried, like literal snot was coming out I was crying so much. It fianlly all made since.  God has a bigger and better plan for my life.

                                                                True Love Never Died.

                 'Everyone longs to give themselves completely to some - to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved by Me alone. I love you, my child until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found you will be not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be untied with another until you are united with Me- exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires and longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing- one that you cant imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you- just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest thing- keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I am. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you... you must wait. Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look at the things others have gotten or I've given them. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you. And, then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any would ever dream. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working even this very minute to have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are both satisfied exclusively the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me... and this perfect love. And dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beautify and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know I love you utterly. I am God Almighty. Believe and be satisfied.

 I cried so  much because The Love of the Father is all I need, its what WE all need, its crazy I even wrote a blog about his love, Its true, I was so blinded by Trevor and all his goodness and the joys of finally dating I let God out of my sight. So reading all this makes since to me, If God has MY man out there I'll get him when my heart is fullfilled with the love of God and God is ready for me to have my other half.  If God wants my heart all to himself than so be it, I have to realize that God has a plan for me, with or without a guy, and in Gods timing, and his will. I have to trust God and love him far beyond I ever have in my life. My life is all for God, My heart is all yours <3 

                          'You're a God who has all things, and still you want me'