All through my high school years I was made fun of, laughed at and most of all I had nobody, yes I had 'friends' who were either way younger than me or they needed me when they needed something or a question answered. I was first made fun of at church camp at age 7 by a guy. From there on out I was depressed, looked at myself in the mirror everyday 20 times a day. (Take Note: I still dont have any self-esteem) I was bullied online, I was bullied at school. Yet after all that I went through hearing the names I was called I still was there for that person/people.
My heart is love and forgivness. Thanks to my mom for showing me that I can have the heart of Jesus and forgive those who do wrong to us. Any who, still to this day almost 21 years of age I still get made fun of and its a little worse, I have no friends. I have done nothing to anyone but love, be kind and always be there for you in your time of need or trouble.
I can text or post on facebook/twitter. 'Hey anybody wanna hang out, go out to eat anything'? Yet my 'friends' make an excuse or just dont reply and blow me off. I dont care to say, that yes my heart aches and hurts because I have no one. I have cried I dont know how many times because of the thought I might not be good enough for my so called 'friends' or Im not pretty enough or I will embarrass you.Ive cried to Justin so many times and he replies 'Ashley you dont need them, you have me and I will always be your friend, I am your friend. I love you' As much as I just want a friend it seems to be my only friend is Justin and my friend who has always loved me and has never left my side is Jesus. I know he has always been there for me. I know I want an earthly friend who will care for me and love me.
I realize I just need Jesus, Family & Justin. Like I said, it hurts not having anyone to wanna be around you and that takes a toll on my self- esteem, it really does. No one will understand the pain, and hurt I have of knowing I have no one as a friend. Ive tried my best to always be a good person, and a kind friend to everyone I know but that seems not to pay off. But thats ok, I guess you sooner or later truly do find out who your friends are.
Instead of making this a big deal on facebook I thought I should blog it. If you have any questions you can message me here http://www.facebook.com/#!/ashley.jenkins.90260 I did make a small status saying something about this, but wanted to go into detail about everything and about how hurt I am.
So as I finish this venting blog, Take Note If you dont want anything to do with me, dont use me dont play me. I realize who I really need and who I dont. I know who has always been there for me.
But I realize after crying many tears, that the one friend I wish would do something for me already has. He did it at this time and moment. When He died on that cross my name was on his mind. He has never left my side, he has never left my heart. He has already made a great sacrifice. He will and has always been my best friend <3
